Anablogcabin
Thursday, January 29, 2004
"What's the difference?"
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 8:55 PM
$500 billion instead of $400 billion. Fuck it. Deficits don't matter anyway.
On a semi-related note: does NSA Condi collect a seperate fee when she does campaign work?
Politics as policy (as usual) all over the Times front page.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Justice
Posted by Analogcabin @ 12:44 PM
I wouldn't have been forced to stab him had he not insisted on disguising himself as a gastroenterological assistant, hoping to catch a glimpse of my hot ass peeking out of a hospital gown. Many men have tried, Jimmy. They've tried and died.
Seriously, though. I can only assume this means we'll soon see you featured in an episode of Judging Amy?
Permalink |
-------------------------
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Boy Named Sue
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 4:39 PM
Sue Zinner, you have been reading too many Us Weeklys. Fooled by your own affectation as a cosmopolitan metrosexual, you have turned your back on the old Sue, the Sue I used to know and love.
The Sue I knew in Nam.
Back then you were more of a Bait 'N Tackle kind of a guy. Field and Stream was your preferred zine and I'll be goddamned if you left your post without a copy or two in your knapsack. Indeed, I remember as if it were yesterday the day we compiled our "Best of 1970" list next to that watering hole south of the Lingtao Highlands. Do you remember, Sue? Jesus, we were just kids back then. Kids with guns and a penchant for fishing. Boy, how times have changed. Now, I hope you fellers don't mind me reminiscing, here. And Sue, I hope you don't mind me airing these old, dirty clothes for everybody to read, but I figure the other chaps might just get a little rise out of hearing what a couple country boys thought was hot shit back before most of y'all were even born. So, here goes, if I recall correctly, the official:
"Boys of Regiment 274C Best of 1970"
BEST CANTEEN 1970:
"Old Daguerrotype" tasted like copper and was covered in rust, but damn if you couldn't spit shine that little fucker and doll yourself before a big date, or battle. Hit three times by various sized bullets but never once punctured. Played an instrumental part in our escape from Leng-Siu Ridge.
BEST CIGARETTE 1970:
Sue and I had finished blasting our way through a thicket of battle-ready gooks south of Ho Chi Minh when we spotted a few small houses and a mill next to a stream in the middle of a large clearing. We saw children playing in the water and a mother hanging clothes from a line tethered to two houses. Thinking that this was not a Cong trap, but considering the possibility that it was, we firebombed the entire village and left no child alive. Tired and thirsty, we filled Old Daguerrotype with water from the stream and smoked a delicious Red.
BEST PIN-UP 1970:
Since Sue and I were special-ops soldiers looking for a Dutch alchemist's lab somewhere near the abandoned mine shafts bordering Cambodia, we spent most of 1970 outside of base camp. Therefore, we didn't get many periodicals and visual stimulation was scant. One day while waiting for a radio transmission, Sue and I stumbled across a large field of wildflowers and saw, to our astonishment, thousands of butterflies flitting in the day's bright sunlight. Sue immediately captured one, smashed it, placed it in the middle of Old Daguerrotype and damn if it didn't look just like your mama's shrivelled up brown pussy. We dropped trow and beat it for hours.
BEST BOAR LANCING 1970:
After accidentally crossing into Cambodia in our errant search for the government's secret quarry, Sue and I found ourselves malnourished and on the verge of death. We were at the stage of near-death where cannibalism and homosexuality become possible and viable options. Looking over at Sue in this crazed light, I saw in his eyes the same confused desire for fleshy consumption. Knowing it was either eat or be eaten, we began wrestling and in our heated grappling failed to notice an emergent pack of boars. I reached for a bayonet and in my crazed state attempted to plug Sue. Luckily, I missed entirley and stuck instead one of the boars, which in the later hours of the night we ate with the same ferocious lust that whores sometimes refers to as "l'voyant passee au porte" or "the light on the other side of the door".
Well, we had a couple more special moments but I'd hate to bore you fellers any more. And Sue, I sure hope you don't mind me taking the liberty to tell these old stories one more time. God knows we've told 'em to each other enough!
God bless, fellas, and never forget our brothers who weren't quite so lucky - POW/MIA - those that the good Lord found dispensable and unworthy of the gift of life.
Semper Fi!
Permalink |
-------------------------
Y'all a Bunch of Amateurs.
Posted by Sue @ 12:31 AM
Okay. There's obviously no accounting for poor taste with you snooty bunch... And although I congratulate Barry on his night of a thousand loins, I must set you tasteless sheep straight on what was really hot in 2003:
Best Movie: "The Lizzie Maguire Movie" She's like totally the hippest girl in town. I mean, Carol Burnette's got nothing on this one. You go, girl!
Best Album: Clay Aiken: Measure of a Man. I mean, he's ugly, but he can sing. How poetic is that!?
Hottest Couple: Ben & Jennifer. Need I say more?
Best Sexual Encounter That Didn't Result in Sex in 2003: Brittany Spears and that guy from her home town. Like, what was she thinking!? Didn't anyone tell her: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"?
Best Television Show: Definitely "The Bachelor"... or "The Bachelorette"... I lose track... Whichever one aired this year. The women on that show are soooo cute!... and secure... and self-respecting... and full of personal integrity! I just want to eat 'em all up.
Yeah, that Iron & Wine show in Chicago was all right, Analogcabin... But what was with the acoustic guitar thing? I mean, you couldn't, like, even dance or talk on your cell phone during the songs without pissing everyone off! Man, if only Justin Timberlake were there to get the party going...
Permalink |
-------------------------
Friday, January 23, 2004
Please Mourn
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 12:54 PM
Tell me it's not true. Growing up, I used to frequent a sparsely decorated ice cream shop called The Flagpole. If I wasn't enjoying the Dole dairy free sherbert, I was honing my Ms. Pac Man skills. On one wall there was a picture of our hometown team winning the state basketball championship in 1984. On another wall there was a headshot of the Captain, autographed and addressed to "The people of Warsaw".
Do I pine for those days because of the taste of that faux- cream ice cream, my proficiency at an obsolete arcade game, or the comforting stare of Mr. Roo? If you know anything about me, and my affections for a misunderstood and criminal uncle, you know the answer.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Shakti's Best of 2003
Posted by Shakti Mann @ 1:35 PM
Best Nature Hike 2003: Royal Arch; Boulder, CO; July
Best Self-Discovery 2003: that I need to be more gentle with myself; December
Best Meditative Position 2003: Full-Lotus; August
Best Sexual Position 2003: Alabama Crab-Dangle; (date withheld)
Best Moment of Restraint 2003: replying to an e-mail; June
Best Ned Flanders Impression and Context 2003: When I was called "Flanders" for not drinking at a bar with friends in November (I said "Okely-Dokely-Do!")
Best Meal Not Involving Potatoes or Soybeans 2003: Beet Soup and Rice Milkshake; December
Best Live Music Involving Panflutes 2003: The Concert for Zamfir; my imagination; November
Best Cry 2003: at winter dathun; December
And if you're interested in knowing my vote for best film of the year, it's this. Underrated, surprisingly moving, beautifully constructed and conceived, and, to paraphrase The Onion, well on its way to being the wunderkind's best film. A stunner in my opinion.
In terms of albums, I liked the new Grandaddy a lot.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Barry Gets Three Thumbs Up
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 7:56 PM
In the interest of keeping things friendly, I would also like to congratulate Barry on his bedding of Time Magazine movie critic Richard Schickel. That's incredible! I'd call you a lying ho if I hadn't read your glowing post-coital account. Something must have rubbed off during all that hot lovin'-- I haven't seen hypenation like that since Schickel called Cold Mountain "hands-down the most heart-wrenching, pulse-pounding, crowd-pleasing, armpit-stainin', don't-be-perpetratin', sure-to-be-Oscar-nominatin' blockbuster to have come out this year!"
Permalink |
-------------------------
Garsh Tooting
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 6:47 PM
I'm surprised, fellas. Flat out surprised. Not by Barry's admission to having Guiness Records-breaking sex with Ryan Seacrest last night in the Lucky Strike VIP room, but by Shakti's completely earth-shatteringly hollow return.
Where's the love, Shak? Too busy culling over old posts? Or perhaps you were deflated by our decidedly lackluster output as of late. I don't really care what the answer is, boy, cause I'm calling you out like the greasy little guinea pig you are.
Name for me, without your Buddhist irony, the following "Best of Shakti 2003":
Best Nature Hike 2003.
Best Self-Discovery 2003.
Best Meditative Position 2003.
Best Sexual Position 2003.
Best Moment of Restraint 2003.
Best Ned Flanders Impression and Context 2003.
Best Meal Not Involving Potatoes or Soybeans 2003.
Best Live Music Involving Panflutes 2003.
Best Cry 2003.
And you better answer truthfully, Shakti, because here's the thing- I already know all the answers.
Permalink |
-------------------------
I Think My Choices Editorial Choices Speak for Themselves
Posted by Analogcabin @ 3:14 PM
While I congratulate Barry on having sex last night, and while I think he and Richard Schiff make a spectacular couple, and while I appreciate that he wasn't overly offended by my editorial choices, I think those choices speak for themselves.
If there's one thing I know, Barry, it's what the people want. They don't want all-caps. They don't want mystery links when the surprise is the Kill Bill website. They don't want me being called "Anal-Hog" (despite my insatiable, almost supine lust for the brown eye.)
They want more nude pictures of Spencer2K, and they want them now.
Also, they want Saffron's House of Zionist Cards to collapse.
Permalink |
-------------------------
"Best of" lists are all fun and games!!! ...until somebody loses
Posted by Barry @ 2:22 PM
Re: The whole Shins "Chutes Too Narrow" debacle. Well... when I first started my list, it didn't really list anything. It just said things like "THIS was my favorite movie" and when you clicked on the word "this" it would take you to the Kill Bill site.
I thought it would be slightly more interactive and you kind folks would have to follow the links to find out exactly what my choices were. But then Anal-hog came along and retitled my links, blowing my whole wad and in the process, messing up the title of The Shins latest album. (No sweat, Anal. I know you were just being... *ahem* ... helpful.)
So after I'd noticed this mistitle, I quietly went back into the blog, edited in the correct album name, and left it at that... UNLIKE OTHER MOCKING, SARCASTIC HARPIES, WHO SHALL REMAIN ANONYMOUS, THAT FELT IT WAS THEIR DUTY TO CALL ME OUT IN THE BRIGHT SHINING DAYLIGHT OF "WRONG-NESS" ONLY TO HAVE THAT LIGHT REFLECTED BACK IN THEIR DIRECTION, THEREBY PUTTING THEIR TRITE AND SNIDE SENSE OF HUMOR ON DISPLAY FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE. I mean... "Abbey Road" and "Pet Sounds" was the best you could do??? Wouldn't adding more exaggeration to the example have made it funnier? (i.e. Best Album: Thomas Alva Edison's "Mary Had a Little Lamb")
Maybe I'm just gloating because of my buoyant spirit today since last night I had the best, roughest, most-mind-blowing, two-years-in-the-making, sweat-dripping-off-of-me, no-heat-rash-hindering, ran-out-of-ideas-for-positions sex till 4:30am.
Oh, and here's a pic of S2K sunning himself on the beach.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Snide? Or Joyless?
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 5:10 PM
Jimmy proves once again that everything others think is nice and good he finds to be shit. It's one thing to be singular, Jimbo. It's another to be reactionary. Does nothing give you joy, save the airing of your sorrow? If so, then I should be supportive of your therapeutic posts. But I've got an idea, my friend, that might throw you for a loop. Try sincerity. Confused? Here, I'll go first.
BEST FILM of 2003--
The best film of 2003 was All the Real Girls by David Green, because it's so similar to my film, Quarry. Also, he proves that wallowing in the foolishness and sadness of young love can be more than just trite. It can be, with the help of Zooey Deschanel, absolutely too painful to watch.
BEST ALBUM of 2003--
I could side with Cabin and say Her Majesty by the Decemberists. But why give him the satisfaction? The best album released this year was All the Best, a collection of 25 of Glen Campbell's best songs.
BEST NY TIMES EDITORIALIST of 2003--
William Safire. Just to chap your ass, Jim.
BEST MEMENTO I FOUND CLEANING MY OLD ROOM in 2003--
Fully intact Tatooine cruiser.
BEST SKIN DISEASE I WAS CRIPPLED WITH in 2003--
Cholinergic Urticaria. Look it up, then laugh. And yeah, I still have it, though it's "repressed".
BEST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER THAT DIDN'T RESULT IN SEX in 2003--
Well, unfortunately there were a couple. No one to blame there but myself, I suppose. I could go with the, "square peg, round hole" episode, but I'd only be lying to myself if I didn't choose, "painful heat rash which restricted an erection". Yeah, that one had a lot to do with the urticaria. Needless to say, the (un)lucky lady and I started getting hot. Literally. And that just wasn't kosher.
BEST NERVOUS BREAKDOWN I HAD in 2003--
Hmmm. Had a couple. And though the outcomes of each are still pending, I'd say that the urticaria once again tips the balance - this time in favor of the breakdown I enjoy referring to as my life's "Chicago Winter".
See, Jimmy. Honesty. Sincerity. Sometimes it's better than hateful bile and sarcastic quips. Try it sometime, and you'll be surprised. Maybe even aroused, though hardly likely from such an obvious impotent.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Correction, Apology
Posted by Analogcabin @ 4:18 PM
I have to take credit for the Barry/Shins issues Jimmy so gleefully pointed out. In his original post, Barry didn't actually mention the name of the record, and the link he provided was to the band's entire discography. I edited the thing, but I mistakenly substituted Oh, Inverted World for Chutes Too Narrow. Or, at least I assume I did. My apologies to Barry.
Once thing's for certain, though. Saffron's chute's not too narrow for me to forcibly stuff his goddamn bullshit back into.
Also, Saffron, you forgot to include your fav Flash site for 2003. The world is waiting!
Permalink |
-------------------------
2003: An In-snide Look
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 11:16 AM
MUSIC:
Barry's right that there is no filler on Oh, Inverted World. There's also no music that was recorded and/or released in 2003. Maybe that's just Barry's way of saying it's "timeless." By the same token, I'd like to nominate Abbey Road for the best album of 2003, with Pet Sounds a close second.
MOVIES:
21 Grams, City of God and Laurel Canyon were all movies I hated but everyone else loved, a disconnect that I'm totally comfortable with.
Most of my feelings on movies this year took the form of hypotheticals. Such as:
"Mystic River could have been great had Clint Eastwood not directed it."
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre could have been great had it been directed twenty years ago by Tobe Hooper."
"The Matrix Reloaded could have great had it been silent."
"Matchstick Men could have been hilarious had it been funny."
Kill Bill was by far the best preview for a movie I saw all year. All 90 minutes of it.
TELEVISION:
Obvs.
BEST CORPORATE DECISION:
How about this. Or this.
Permalink |
-------------------------
A. Jones' Best of 2003
Posted by Analogcabin @ 9:07 AM
I like that our Best Of thread doesn't come around until mid January of 2004. There's such a glut of this stuff in late December -- the later release of the lists makes us seem more thoughtful. Or circumspect. Or circumsized.
MOVIES:
Despite earlier objections, Lost in Translation was probably my favorite of 2003. Return of the King also ranks highly, though only when considered as part of the whole. Mystic River was good, but a little overrated. Angels in America was massively overrated, and gets my award for Most Stagey Film that's Not a Shakespeare Adaptation Produced by the BBC in the Early Seventies. I should admit I haven't seen a number of the frontrunners in this year's Oscar race -- Big Fish, Finding Nemo, American Splendor, Master and Baiter.
MUSIC:
Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but it seems like this year the American music press joined in the long-standing British tradition of christening a new Savior of Rock every month, and it resulted in a lot of massively overrated, horribly awful records. I touched on it at The Spoonbender, so I'll spare you the rant here. I can say without the slightest hesitation that the best record of this year is Her Majesty The Decembrists. It's beautiful and baffling, and should be purchased and cherished by any serious music lover.
TELEVISION:
Anyone that knows me knows how much I love Survivor, and this year's edition in the Pearl Islands was the best in years. It revived the series. That said, the best show of the year is Arrested Development. I'd suggest it's even a little better than Curb Your Enthusiasm (though Sunday's episode, featuring the retarded people, might have been David's best to date.)
BEST CORPORATE DECISION:
Apple's iTunes Music Store is, without a doubt, it. While the record labels were busy sticking their fingers in the dyke (the sticking here being RIAA lawsuits, the dyke being the 15-year-old girls they sued, and the water being digital music,) Apple figured out how to distribute digital music legally and simply. Sure, geeks still file swap, but my mom uses iTunes. Then the iPod gave another reason to believe in Steve Jobs and the computer company for rational people. What's more, an article in the Times last week provides a fairly compelling argument that the deal to let HP make iPods just might be the first real step toward breaking the Microsoft monopoly.
BEST FLASH SITE:
God, make it stop. If I never see another Flash site, it'll be too soon. If you're pathologically compelled to sit around and wait forever for some website to load, it might as well be this one.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Monday, January 19, 2004
Barry's Best of 2003
Posted by Barry @ 5:53 PM
It's been awhile since I reared my ugly head to post here. You know-- work and all.
Anyway, I wanted to post a "Best Of" list for the media world this year. It's just to share my opinion and maybe provide a direction for your own future entertainment needs. Here goes:
MOVIES:
Finding Nemo and 28 Days Later both stayed with me for days but for sheer movie-going pleasure Kill Bill was my favorite. And will anyone argue that The Matrix: Revolutions wasn't the worst?
MUSIC:
Absolutely no filler on The Shins' Chutes Too Narrow.
TELEVISION DISCOVERY:
While watching BBC America I came across Father Ted and ended up getting all of the episodes on DVD. Here's one of my favorite sound clips from the series.
BEST CORPORATE DECISION:
Well, maybe not the best but I was excited to hear about this anyway.
BEST FLASH SITE:
You can spend hours watching the fun here, but make sure you don't miss Strong Bad's Emails and Teen Girl Squad in the features section.
Permalink |
-------------------------
"Stop Moving, Food!"
Posted by Analogcabin @ 8:43 AM
The New York Times' piece on Shakti's little hideaway made me feel a lot of awful things, but the picture kept me laughing.
The only time I hold up my food and stare at it like this is when I'm drunk, and it's trying to get away.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Friday, January 16, 2004
NY Times on the Dathun
Posted by Shakti Mann @ 2:28 PM
Hi, fellas. I'm back. More soon. I'm still trying to move back into my apartment (which was emptied while I was away to treat a little water and sewage leak).
I didn't mention this in the postcards, but the New York Times came to the dathun one day and took pictures for this article. You can't see me in the picture, but I'm sitting there eating oryoki. Enjoy. And, again, more soon.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Who Will Protect This House?
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 8:44 PM
Back up.
I'm about to break a lil' piece off.
It appears as though Mr. Gray has slipped off somewhere in the dark, dark night. If this turns out to be true, and the great grey-haired neurotic has left us for good, I have but one thing to say: what a dick.
Don't get me wrong, I'm "all bout" a good celebirty suicide as the next guy. It's a cultural phenomenon that we've become accustomed to and, I'd argue, need occassionally in order to confirm to the sorry lot of us that aren't rich and famous that the life of the rich and famous is awful and overwhelming. "Hey mister - you don't want that life - it'll kill ya." But this Spalding fella really takes the cake. With a big spoonful of selfish sprinkles on top. Covered in conceited cream.
You know, my grandpa had a dog named Skeeter. Skeeter was a good dog. Loyal. Friendly. Festering with worms. One day when Skeeter was very old he decided to walk across the fields of corn surrounding my granfather's house and into the deep, dark recesses of a neighbor's forest. It was a good place for Skeeter to die. No one had to clean up the mess the worms made as they tore through his body, and who knows? maybe he died in a creek and the water washed his decrepit remains away. Circle of life kind of shit - you know. But here's the thing about Skeeter: he was a dog. That's what dogs do.
This Spaulding fella's no dog. In fact, he's a human. With friends and family and, apparently, fans. Probably not many, but some. So dude, don't go down like that. Don't make it a big deal. Don't make people come search for you. Cause when you're a dog, people are like, "welp, guess'm that Skeeter did died." You're a dog. The currency that is a dog's life is, like, pesos to our Euros.
Now, Spaulding, if you don't show up anytime soon, you know what they're gonna do? They're probably going to get a lot of people to look for you. Police officers and the like. Local, state, federal - doesn't really matter. But they'll rake those waters looking for you, and it'll cost bundles. Bundles of taxpayer money, Spaulding. Our money.
So is that how you want to go down? As a crying little bitch that wants the world to pause and shriek through shuddering sobs, "Where is thou Spaulding?" Cause I ain't losing any sleep over it. But I am pissed as shit that you're such a fucking baby.
You are the weakest link.
Goodbye.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Survivor Pool
Posted by Analogcabin @ 12:28 PM
So the Analogcabin Survivor All Stars Pool is up and running. I encourage you all to join, as everything better when money's on the line.
Visit the Misc. section of this site for all the details.
Permalink |
-------------------------
"We want our troops to be happy. Trigger-happy!"
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 11:54 AM
Considering how recklessly lead-footed I can be after a couple hours playing "Grand Theft Auto," I have to ask: is this the wisest thing for our soldiers to be doing?
Permalink |
-------------------------
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
A whistle-blower at the Grammys, and I don't mean Christina Aguilera
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 4:30 PM
I don't begrudge The Flaming Lips their Grammy nomination for best Alternative Album. On face, they're a good band. Whatever helps, you know.
However, the "album" in question is not really an album. It's a 6 song EP. One of the tracks is available on a previous LP, and three of the other songs are covers. I know we're talking about The Grammys, and merit isn't a true factor, but are you really gonna give this award to an EP of cover songs over some other band's full-length?
Looks like the answer is "yes, we just might."
But can you guess why? I can. You see, one of the cover songs on the record is "Can't Get You Out of My Head," by Kylie Minogue, who is herself nominated for a Grammy this year. And this only confirms what certain people (i.e., me) have been thinking for a long, long time: that Kylie Minogue covers are the new unofficial currency of the commercial music industry, worth their weight in gold, like water projects are in Congress.
You heard it here first. And I'm guessing you heard it here last as well.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Prepare for the Worst... and the Wurst
Posted by Analogcabin @ 11:18 AM
One thing in the Bush PNAR's National Romance Advisory remains the same from the National Terror Advisory -- buy duct tape.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Bush on Love
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 11:18 PM
So Bush is planning to pledge $1.5 billion towards the promotion of marriage. Seems to me he's still taking cues from the Project for a New American Romance. The language has been shifted around a bit, but trust me, this shit is PNAR to the hilt. Lots of signposts, but I won't waste your time pointing them out. I'm more interested in what was omitted.
For instance, I don't see any mention of the PNAR-proposed "NRD," the National Registry for Divorcees. Bush might be feeling the pressure from that surprisingly formidable divorce advocate lobby (headed by the FMF: Freedom from Marraige Foundation). I don't know if you remember, but there was a lot of fallout over the detainment of that newly divorced man in Guantonemo. A harrowing story-- he was held for several weeks without access to his new leather jacket.
I'll be really interested to see if there are any sex-related initiatives included in these programs. You'll see there's no mention of anything like that in the article. Strange, because I've heard from more than one source that Bush was really hot towards the PNAR's proposed "Nationwide Romance Advisory," which calls for a color-coded alert system to notify couples when the conditions for love-making are most favorable ("Kids are home, elevated risk!"), and to help communities prepare for the worst ("Barry White in Town, Prophylatic Shortages Likely!")
And I see they're no longer referring to gay couples as "enemy combatants." Very interesting, indeed.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Monday, January 12, 2004
Not To Open Up Old Wounds
Posted by Analogcabin @ 4:23 PM
I really didn't want to get back into this, especially with little Shakti coming home, but The Smoking Gun has the Elliott Smith autopsy report, in which the coroner leaves the cause of death open -- either a suicide or homicide. Accidental has been ruled out.
Some interesting things in there, like that he had injuries on his forearm and hand -- what Law and Order fans will know as "defensive wounds," that he spelled his name wrong in the suicide note, and that his girlfriend was home at the time, and that they'd just fought.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Allow Me to Bust Some Meditation
Posted by Analogcabin @ 2:08 PM
I had some thoughts while reading Shakti's postcards. I know you're all chomping at the bit to hear them, so dig this:
1: It's funny that we've all but condemned this blog to die while Shakti was away. His enthusiasm for it seems so sincere. It's like putting your son's dog down while he's away at summer camp. A fucking flakey summer camp, but still. Maybe we should give it one more try. For the kids.
2: I promise that if I had to sit on a mat eight hours a day for a month I'd lose my shit and kill a monk. Either that, or I'd learn how to sleep sitting up.
3: If someone named Ferris Buhler told me he was proud of me for anything, I'd clock him.
4: "The Great Stupa" sounds like a Jerry Lewis movie.
5: At one point Shakti wondered in print whether we'd researched oryoki meals. I was curious about them when he first mentioned it, and I still am. It never occurred to me to research them, though. That's the difference between Shakti and me -- I'm lazy and he's not. Though this sitting around all day "retreat" suggests otherwise.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Correspondence from Shakti: Portrait Of The Artist As A Mutton-Chopped Young Man
Posted by the spencer2000 @ 11:42 AM
Portrait Of The Artist As A Mutton-Chopped Young Man
1/1/2004
Happy New Year Fellas:
Well. This is it. The last postcard. No, no--no tears. This is not an ending but a beginning. So dry those eyes little ones: starting on the 12th, Shakti will be back in action at analogcabin.com.
It has been an emotional couple of days here. All this meditation is finally catching up with me. So it turns out that I am not, in fact, a robot—I do feel things. I am not the Shakti 2000 .
What’s happening at the blog today, I wonder. Probably nothing for a few more hours. I'd bet dollars to donuts that each and every one of you boys is living in a pool of your own mess after a night of hard partying.
Well, pop some aspirin, down some Java, and make with the online funny. I’ll talk at you in just 11 more days.
Much love,
Shakti
Permalink |
-------------------------
Correspondence from Shakti: The Quality Of Entertainment When Your're Drunk On Pink Floyds At 2 PM
Posted by the spencer2000 @ 11:24 AM
The Quality Of Entertainment When Your're Drunk On Pink Floyds At 2 PM
12/30/2003
Happy Almost New Year, Boy-O's:
Well "Open Day/Escape Day" came and went. Did not get to see "The Return of the King", but had a nice visit from a colleague in my masters program. All of us in the program got together and went to a middle-of-nowhere spot called the Red Feather Lakes Café and Bar (all in one!). Much to my surprise, they had an extensive vegan and vegetarian menu. Anyway, it was a good time.
Meditation continues to be both awareness widening and aggravating as all get out. It's really frustrating to get in touch with the ground of your neuroses while you're sitting on the cushion
and then find yourself reverting to your little mind games almost reflexively once you're off of it. (Sigh). Oy vey. So, I'm not enlightened yet is what I'm saying.
I miss you, boys. One card left. Look for it next week. And I'll blog at you in just 12 short days.
Love,
Shakti
Permalink |
-------------------------
Los Moscowgeles
Posted by Sue @ 10:50 AM
It may not be the Great Stupa of Dharmakaya, but this photo may be proof that the influence of Santa Moscow has grown to great.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Correspondence from Shakti: Prelude To A Lost Finger
Posted by the spencer2000 @ 10:38 AM
Prelude To A Lost Finger
12/24/2003
Well, boys:
Sunday is "escape day." That's right, we're allowed to leave the retreat and go play in Ft. Collins for the day. There's talk of some of us Naropa U. types going to see "The Return of the King." I'm trying to convince everyone that we should all go somewhere where we can all get a T-shirt to wear in the mediation hall the next day. You know, like "I went to Jumbo's Clown Room and all I got was this stupid T-shirt" or "I went to Jose's house of Mexican Insanity Peppers and Burritos as Big as Your Head and I ate the worm." You get the idea.
Meditation is going well. How devastating and beautiful it is to watch my mind and see what an astonishing screw-up I am.
I hope you are all doing well. I miss you boys and all the steaming piles of funny that you leave at analogcabin.com.
Peace out,
Shakti
Permalink |
-------------------------
Correspondence from Shakti: The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya
Posted by the spencer2000 @ 10:27 AM
Great Stupa of Dharmakaya
12/20/2003
Gentlemen …and Analogcabin Jones:
This is the Great Stupa of Dharmakaya, a monument on the land here at the S.M.C. A votive, if you will (or if you will not). Just a glimpse of my temporary abode.
All is going well. I don't know how much progress I'm making on the meditation cushion, but my buddy Ferris Buhler (yes, that is his real name; and yes, he is as cool as his cinematic doppelganger) said to me quite out of the blue the other day, "You're doing a good job, Shakti. Were all proud of you." This, of course, led me to wonder what exactly it is that I have done to earn the perhaps dubious honor of Mr. Ferris Buhler's pride. Hmmm…Food for the next nine hours of meditation.
Speaking of food, this whole oryaki dining thing is a ticking time bomb. I wonder if any of you investigated it on the blog. It's just so much form! And when you're dealing with hungry people who have been working on their neuroses all day
well, somebody's gonna snap (and I'm not ruling myself out on this).
It's starting to feel like a retreat this week. We've heard rumors about world news. I wonder is it true that Saddam Hussein has been captured? Because there is sure now way for me to confirm such information at this juncture. And what does my insatiable curiosity about world events tell me about my own mind? More food for nine hours
I miss you, boys. Hope you're all doing well. Until the next card
Shakti
Permalink |
-------------------------
Correspondence from Shakti: Satan's Lapdog, or Man's Best Friend?
Posted by the spencer2000 @ 10:13 AM
Satan's Lapdog, or Man's Best Friend?
12/16/2003
Howdy, fellas!
Greetings from the Shambhala Mountain Center! I hope this card finds you all happy and well in your respective cities of dwelling. The first few days here have been terrific. I think I've got this place figured out now: The trick is, kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Ha, ha! Just kidding.
I've been meditating around eight hours a day (and will continue to do so for the rest of the 30 days), sleeping on the shrine room floor (they overbooked), so a few of us Naropa boys are all together on futons in there), eating oryoki meals (Japanese meditative style of formal eating), and enjoying the beauty of this land. The giant Buddhist stupa (votive statue) here is also quite remarkable -- I'll send a postcard with a picture of it next.
How are you all, I wonder. What's happening at the Cabin? And are things well with the world? I've got no internet, TV, periodicals, magazines, no nothin'! There could have a major event in the last few days that I'm completely oblivious to. Hmm.
I must sign off for now. More soon.
Word to your mothers,
Shakti Man
Permalink |
-------------------------
Friday, January 09, 2004
Argyle...Makes the People...Come Together
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 4:41 PM
A couple of weeks ago, Paul Krugman floated a New Years Wish asking that election reporters take the high road and not devolve into the candidate fashion police.
Yes, yes, Paul, that's all well and good. But goddamn, did you catch Wesley Clark in that sweater!
Even more distressing than the headline is the graf mentioning the Clark campaign's embrace of their endorsement from Madonna. I defer to our host for his 4-run shot off that hanging curve ball.
Speaking of our host, I'm pleased to hear of his plans for nuptial bliss. Don't know who the lucky girl is. I just hope she's prepared to hear wedding vows that go a little something like this:
"Dearest [name here]. When I first met you, I was but a Thornscape Apprentice, alone and lost in the Argoth Forest, with little to look forward to but an untimely death on the battlefields of Orin, beheaded by a Brackus, or crushed beneath the hooves of a Towering Baloth. You passed by me that time outside the Kavu's Lair, and your Stratadon scent entered my lungs and seized my heart with the force of a Lavamancer Hull Breech. Luckily, I cast Fanatical Devotion. Your morphed your last Echo Tracer, an effective counter, but ultimately no match for my Roar of the Kha. One last kiss from my Ensnare spell would seal the deal. You were mine, mine for the ages, a Luminous Angel forever at hand to harvest my Tainted Fields and mend my Festering Wounds with your sweet, sweet Sunfire Balm. Come, enter my Tranquil Thicket, for the Gods of Dominaria await their Weatherlight army, and we alone shall give it to them."
Permalink |
-------------------------
TRIO
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 3:11 PM
Is Trio the best new cable network?
Name me a better one, bitches.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Cheap, Indeed
Posted by Analogcabin @ 11:03 AM
How cheap of you, Sue. I see that Saffron's gotten to you, too. Well, that's fine. Join in his crusade against light. I will play Gandalf to his Saruman, and to your orc, if I must. It's not the role I'd choose, but it's one that I'll play.
Because I'm an actor. Metaphorically.
If I could choose, I'd be Legolas, because he can run really fast and jump all over monster without falling down.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Cheap Plug...
Posted by Sue @ 12:48 PM
So, I'm going to preface my cheap plug with a not-so-cheap plug. In fact, I'll start with a great plug. A congratulations!... to Analogcabin and his future wife. Yes, folks, our host is engaged to be married... to a WOMAN no less. Amazing. May their life be blessed and filled with the bountiful gifts of the god of Gozer, keymaster and slayer of the Slor.
So here's my cheap plug. I know I am compromising my anonymity by doing so, but my short film is playing on Ifilm. For those of you who wish to view it of your own free will, you may do so by visiting this link.
...And thanks for listening.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Homeless for the Holidays
Posted by Billy Sumday @ 10:54 AM
Why is cardboard the industry standard for streetcorner beggars? It sometimes makes print difficult to read (especially when the color of the ink is not black), and I see more paper lying around than clean, empty, unmarked cardboard boxes. Sometimes I feel like I just don't understand homeless people. Sometimes I just have to say to myself, what are they thinking?
Permalink |
-------------------------
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Your One-Stop Nuclear Proliferation Shop
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 1:03 PM
Above is a brochure from Pakistan's secret Khan Research Laboratories, featuring components built during its thirty year program for enriching uranium.
This must have been the compromise. I understand the proposed catch-phrase "Our Vacuum Products are the Bomb!" was deemed too subtle.
I wonder how this affects our relations with India, when we'll bend over backwards to paint Pakistan as our ally in the war on terror despite clear evidence to the contrary, after invading a country to dismantle a nuclear weapons program that didn't exist.
Permalink |
-------------------------
Monday, January 05, 2004
A Day Without Cabin's Bleating is Like A Day Without Sunshine
Posted by Jimmy Saffron @ 9:56 PM
The only more thing more likely to seep from Analogcabin's bowed and flaccid pen, besides some snickering paean to his own penis size, is a high-minded cry of incivility.
I don't know, Cabin. Seems to me you protest too much. One can only draw from the well of moral and ethical outrage so many times.
Whatevs. I stand by the Greatest Hits.
Permalink |
-------------------------
2004 -- Still Not a Good Year for Saffron
Posted by Analogcabin @ 3:02 PM
I'll admit it. I was briefly seduced by Saffron's romanticism. I reread our greatest hits with glee, and I felt proud. Proud of what we did, the friendships we forged, and the comedy we made. For a moment, I felt close to you all again. I respected you all again.
But as with all of Saffron's creations, the sweetness quickly turned sour. The facade moldered and fell, revealing the architecture of his deceit. Obviously Saffron favored his own posts in compiling the greatest hits. Anyone that knows him or is even passingly acquainted with his misguided megalomania would expect nothing else. But for him to claim that this post was point and match, when he was immediately outclassed by me in this spirited rebuttal is morally and ethically outrageous.
I'm glad to see the turn of the year hasn't matured Jimmy at all. It looks as though we can look forward to another twelve months of buffoonery. Happy New Year to us.
Permalink |
-------------------------
