31 December 2004

New Year's Eve, and I'm working the midnight shift. Opinion is unanimous among the enforcers of Devil's Island that we will be dealing with Jack S. tonight. He's going to find it hard to avoid drinking on New Year's Eve, and when he drinks he finds it hard to avoid beating on Jill.

Jill waved down one of our guys the other day, and told him that she has broken it off with Jack and that he's out of the house. Sounds like a pre-emptive alibi to me. I'm going to warm up a booking sheet for him.

Everyone have a safe and happy New Year, and I'll see you on the other side.

While you're here, why not pop over to Shakti's and make a donation for the tsunami victims?

Ofc. Krupke at 9:28 PM
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20 December 2004

Via James Taranto, who dubs it a "PC Perfect Storm", a story from U of Oregon's Oregon Daily Emerald that resolutely defies parody and provides more evidence, if such were needed, that collegiate identity-politickers have, collectively, lost their damn minds.

The story reports that last year's production of Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues" by the ASUO Women's Center was beset by controversy, as it was thought that the "production underrepresented various communities of women." In order to address these concerns, the show's producers have decided to change the casting process because, in the immortal, unsatirizable words of spokeswoman Stefanie Loh, "The fact that they had auditions means that some people are automatically excluded."

Instead of holding auditions, the producers will solicit nominations from several student groups, as well as the Women's and Gender Studies Program, to assemble a potential cast. The final casting decision will be made by a volunteer selection committee.

Because, of course, there's no problem with college theater productions that additional cliquishness will not solve.

This story has to be read to be believed. It has it all: a vocal Coalition of the Aggrieved, duct-tape protests, and wonderful, though unintentional, jewels of low comedy:

It will be more difficult to ensure that women who identify with the queer community participate in the production.

"That's where it gets kind of tricky," Pete said. "I don't think we can legally ask anyone what their sexual orientation is."

Instead, the producers will inform a potential actor that a particular part is a "queer role" and ask, "Do you feel that this represents you?"

The moral of the story is a simple one: it doesn't matter how ideologically pure you think you are (one somehow doubts the ASUO is a hotbed of right-wing activity), they will find something, and you will end up in the hot seat, like a war criminal or a Republican. This is one of the cool things about being a conservative: you are not obligated to worry about offending these people; they already come pre-offended.